Thursday, April 11, 2013

Five Alternative Ways to Remain Intimate with Your Spouse If You Have Chronic Pain

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If you or a spouse suffers from chronic pain, it is important that you put forth the effort to maintain a healthy relationship and try to remain intimate with your spouse.  I understand that there will be times in the days ahead that might interfere with your ability to be intimate with your spouse.  However, there are also days when you feel great (if your lucky enough to still get some of those days) and days when the pain is some what bearable or controllable with medications.  Intimacy doesn't always have to be between the sheets.

Disclosure: This post is for informational purposes only. Please discuss any concerns with intimacy issues with your doctor or health care provider.

What Other Ways Can You Be Intimate With Your Spouse?


There are plenty of other ways to connect with your spouse without having sex.  I realize that sex is important and you should attempt to maintain that relationship with your spouse if you are able to, even a few  times a week or month.  It is important for your marriage.  What are some other ways to connect with your spouse without having sexual intercourse:

  • Go on a Date - Plan time to spend with your spouse without having any distractions.  Having a date night will give you the opportunity to reconnect with your spouse.  This will allow you the opportunity to have a real conservation and enjoy some much needed one on one time with your spouse.  Plan a date night in advance so that you aren't scrambling to figure out what to do at the last minute, always plan an alternative in case your pain won't allow you to do your first date choice.  Dates don't have to cost a ton of money; in fact, there are plenty of free date night opportunities that you can go on.  However, it is important that your date nights do not become boring or something else on the calender that fills your time.   
  • Talking to Your Spouse - Having conversations and sharing your feelings with your spouse will allow you to connect with your spouse emotionally.  You can discuss anything that is bothering you or your spouse.  In fact, just talking to your spouse can bring you closer together.
  • Find Things You Both Enjoy and Do It - Participating in activities that you enjoy together is a great way to have fun and connect with your spouse.  This can be used for a date activities or it can be things that you enjoy as a family, if you have children.  Finding common ground in your relationship will help you and your spouse to overcome your disability and give each one of you something to look forward to doing together as a couple or a family.
  • Spend Time With Your Spouse - It is important that you make time to spend with your spouse alone. There are activities that you can do that don't involve having sex and these activities can be just as fulfilling as sexual intercourse.  Plus, it can help you and your spouse maintain a close and intimate relationship.  Some examples of activities that you and your spouse can do alone that don't involve sexual intercourse are: hugging, holding hands, snuggling, kissing, taking a bath together, massage, and anything else that you and your spouse enjoy together.  
  • Alternative Sexual Intimacy - If you can't have sexual intercourse with your spouse for any reason, there are alternative ways that you can take care of each other's needs.  You can use one or more of these alternative ways to create intimacy with your spouse: masturbation, touching, oral sex, and some couples choose to introduce toys into their relationship.  I know that it is often difficult to talk about these alternative solutions but they can help you keep the spark alive in the bedroom.  
It is very important to maintain a healthy and intimate relationship with your spouse.  In fact, it is possible to have an intimate relationship with your spouse despite having chronic pain.  A great relationship with your spouse begins with open and honest communication.  I hope that you find these tips helpful and that you can find ways to keep the spark alive in your marriage.  

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Do you feel it is important to remain intimate with your spouse, despite the pain you feel each day?